Pimp Your Pumpkin


Ah, yes. Rocktober. I mean, Cocktober. I mean, October! Sorry, too busy thinking about what I’m going to do with my pumpkin to come up with the proper name of this glorious month.

Fall is in the air, homes are intentionally decorated with cobwebs and spiders, supermarket aisles are brimming with bags of individually wrapped portions of chocolate-sugared happiness, and farmers are peddling their pumpkins.

If you’ve never been to Jones Family Farms in Shelton, CT now is the time to go. Up on Pumpkinseed Hill Farm you (obviously) find pumpkins, squash, and gourds in every size, shape and color combination imaginable. Turban shaped squash, Cinderella’s Coach in a squash, Blue Pumpkins which are also a squash — why isn’t it Squashseed Hill Farm?

They also have a Corn Maze and a Hay Ride — I skip those due to my allergy to children. But they have a bunch of those boardwalk things where you stick your head in to take a picture. They provide me with hours of fun, for years to come. My husband doesn’t like it so much.

Once you have your pumpkin the fun part is figuring out what-the-fuck you’re going to do with it. Sure, you can carve out some triangular facial features — but why give the neighborhood kids something to imagine smashing? How’s about forgoing the face and using it as a punchbowl? Cut a lid, pull out the seeds and shit, schmear it lightly inside with butter (just so it doesn’t burn), and warm in a 350 degree oven for 10-15 minutes — it depends on the oven and the pumpkin. The bigger the pumpkin the more drinks you get! Fill it up with Hot Apple Cider you’ve warmed up on the stove with sticks of cinnamon and a couple cloves and finish it off with a generous amount of Spiced Rum.


Have a Headbanging Halloween!