Limericks: A Sample from the “Ketchup and Mustard” Mini-Collection

The girl that we like’s got some flub

She takes up the entire tub

She smells like old custard

Her skin looks like mustard

She’s dead, but we’re horny for grub

Red is the governor’s nose

Speaking in his podium prose

The gibberish mounting

The babble enticing

A mustard gas purchase at Lowe’s


Pour mustard on ripe tangerines

Spread icing over tambourines

Looks and the sounds you make

Church bell swallowed in cake

No wonder you break trampolines

A tortoise sandwich is a must

Tomato filling under crust

Puncturing chubby shell

Draining the ketchup well

We slurped up the sauce in a lust


Cocaine makes ketchup in noses

Dripping into bathroom roses

Addiction is beauty

That’s tipsy and snooty

Ending as still yellow poses


The Empire State Building lights

They’re red and they’re yellow tonight

Candy corn towering

Greatly empowering

The scarfed rats of streets to unite

My computer cursor is dead

It couldn’t handle what’s in red

The touch screen invasion

The smart phone sensation

It yellowed the arrow with dread

The lanterns across the sea call

Radioactive tennis balls

In shooting star cannon

Will rain over Camden

And yellow my clean overalls

The candle was creamy then sore

An atmosphere crept through the door

Deliberate evil

And something medieval

Now Christmas means just a bit more

Befriending the red Pac-Man ghost

At mid-summer parties I host

Reaching up his curtain

I swear and I’m certain

His dick is a rare weenie roast