Hi, everybody! I’d like to introduce myself. My name is Peter Progger, and I sure love progressive rock music. It really is the best music ever, and is clearly better than like, 90 percent of music out there. Not a lot of people realize that fact, and I’m here at Alternative Control to educate people… Continue reading A How To on Music Nerdom: Part 1
Tag: humor
Your Hipster King™ Enjoys Manners
By The Hipster King You may not be aware of this but Your Hipster King™ is both literally and figuratively royalty. For one, We are the King of All Hipsters. This much is clear and immune from any examination which might be made with intent to suggest otherwise. Additionally, J.C. is actual royalty. No, really. I’m… Continue reading Your Hipster King™ Enjoys Manners
The Mighty, Terrific, Luxurious and Jeweled! An Interview With Lightsbane
Long ago, within a metal scene far, far away, a quartet of mighty superhero musicians were birthed in the secretive and sacred valley of the fifth colony of a massive world power. They immediately sprung to monstrous size, thrashing about their enormous instruments of death upon the ears of the entire valley and beyond. For… Continue reading The Mighty, Terrific, Luxurious and Jeweled! An Interview With Lightsbane
Support Local Music or Die, Mother Fucker!
A satirical work of fiction… SETTING – A local dive bar during the day. AT RISE – Pink Missile is auditioning for some city officials. The song is finishing up “CONNECTICUT TO HOLLYWOOD, SO WHO WILL BE THERE?!?!?!?!” DANNY Thank you very much! Awkward silence. The city officials whisper to each other.
Ask Death Metal Dave: A Metal Scene Q & A That’s Not for the Faint of Gut!
That’s right my metal brothers, it’s me Death Metal Dave again. After taking some time off to concentrate on chronologically arranging my Kataklysm concert ticket stubs and framing my Slayer vinyl, I’ve decided to come back by popular demand. It seems that a lot of tough questions plague my fellow metal brethren; questions that only… Continue reading Ask Death Metal Dave: A Metal Scene Q & A That’s Not for the Faint of Gut!
Top Ten Signs You’re Too Old for “The Scene”
10. More than one shot guarantees a hangover, no matter how many cheese fries you eat afterwards. 9. You can’t eat the cheese fries anyway because you’re on a diet. 8. You see a twenty-year girl old with giant gauges and a Sailor Jerry neck tattoo, and feel disappointed in today’s youth. 7. You… Continue reading Top Ten Signs You’re Too Old for “The Scene”
Mortified Nuclear Immolated Mutant Populace Death (A Fashion Article)
This is Death Metal Dave here, filling in at Alternative Control to shed some light for all those posers out there on how to properly support the metal scene. I see so many losers come to local shows that just don’t know and don’t realize how important it is to support the scene properly. It… Continue reading Mortified Nuclear Immolated Mutant Populace Death (A Fashion Article)